I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I love you. Go after that dick
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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