is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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