I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
