Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize