It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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