Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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