Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sacagawea was the original milf.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
