Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
