I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
