Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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