Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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