would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
