Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
