Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
