He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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