omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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