Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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