I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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