she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
