Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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