You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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