will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
