I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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