would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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