I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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