New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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