I faked an abortion last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
