Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
