I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
