so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
