ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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