my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
