Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize