Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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