yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
