I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
