found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
