Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
