I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
