So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
