I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
