This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
