The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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