I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
