Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
