6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
