she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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