I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
