doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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