I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
