So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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