i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
