i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
