whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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