dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
