some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
