I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
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I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.