I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"