Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick