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I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Someone shit on the floor
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She announced her abortion via fbk
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Randomize
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