its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.