Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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