Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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