I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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