I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
