yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
