Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
