This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
