I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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