eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
