Whod you bang
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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