I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
