you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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