Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
