I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
