My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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