Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
