When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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