just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
