her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
