i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
