This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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